Tuesday's Child, Monday Birthday

Well, my birthday is just a few days away and I thought I'd share my list of wants. Mind you, this is an exercise in creativity, as my family and offline friends don't read my blog. If they did, they'd probably comment, like nice online friends. Sorry, rant over.

First off, a full-time job. I need the revenue.  Once I land my sweet gig I plan on enjoying benefits like dental insurance. These four cavities won't fill themselves! A cleaning isn't too hard on the funds, but fillings drill deep into the wallet.  After a couple paychecks, I'll splurge on new contact lenses. My two-year- old veterans finally had enough and are now torn. My geek glasses are actually a slightly stronger prescription and constantly sliding off my face, which means I'm not living up to my mantra, "Tuesday's child is full of grace."

I actually have gotten pre-birthday money from one parent, and have been informed I may get post-birthday money from another. I guess that neutralizes the matter, as if both were received on the actual day. Currency gives me plenty of opportunity to take care of some expenses/purchases, but I won't be spending it on random gubbins.

But let's say I did....here's what I'd indulge in:

Mini UV Sanitizing Wand
No, I'm not like TV's OCD detective Monk. I just think this would come in handy for situations I may find myself in. You know, like, life.

The Mighty PowerPack
This is a tad more practical, as I've been known to leave lights on and have low tire pressure. As I'm going to do some camping, I'll need backup power, so again, handy gizmo. I tried researching various multi-tasking power thingamabobs, and this one seemed to be a fair price point, weight, capacity and have the feaatures I want. If anyone knows more about this gizmos, particularly recommendations, let me know.

Go Go Gadget Juicer
This one even shocks me. Never imagined I'd have a hankering for a gurgling, blade running, produce pummeler, so I blame it on my growing health concerns and late night infomercials. It's a bit of an overwhelming science, it seems, to decipher the pros/cons of the various makes/models. Again, recommendations welcome. Waring offers a model under $60 with favorable reviews, so I'm slightly partial due to the thrift factor. Breville makes some quite stylish (also well-reviewed) models, but for a higher markup. Unfortunately, super man Jack Lalanne's juicer reviews haven't been as impressive as his remarkable health. I'll keep my eye on eBay and see if I can store a deal.

Well, what else does a girl need?

On my Distaste for Cinema

It's not that I despise cinema, it's just that I prefer the written word. I recognize both writing and filmmaking as art, but the visual nature of film can result in permanent retinal scarring. In lay speak, mental flashbacks. For me, a bad movie leaves a filthy taste in my mouth that is hard to extinguish. Putting down a book is simple enough, but when a movie is bad and you have to leave the theatre, there's work involved. There is also the cost, and I being notably thrifty, would resent paying for a dud.

Thus, I must be dragged to "the movies," and promised:

• a ride
• paid ticket
• snack (or dinner before)
• carbonated beverage

With all of the aforementioned promised, I may accompany you if one or more of the conditions apply:

• I think the movie is worthwhile
• It's been a while since we spent time together 
• I owe you a favor
• I really need to kill two hours
• You offer a future favor
• Bodily harm is threatened if I do not partake 

As you can imagine given the multitude of prerequisites, I do not see a lot of movies in the theatre. I have been known to watch movies on TV or even rent one. The casual nature of home viewing lessens the harsh reality of a crappy flick and generally costs less. Having befriended film buffs and even students of the motion picture arts and sciences, I am looked at as an anomaly. So be it! There isn't much I'm dogmatic about, and as I said, exceptions are made so I really don't see the need to defend my preference to not engorge myself with whatever gets slapped up on the big screen this week. My tastes are for older films or any that rely on more than lasciviousness, cheap tricks or pedigree. Sure, I'll laugh over a dumb comedy, but I have my standards.

Hmmm, did someone just wax the floor? I seemed to have slipped a bit dismounting the ol' soap box. Turning rant off, carry on.

Old and Scary

Sorry, this post isn't talking about your toothless Great Uncle Gerald. No, the old and scary featured are vintage frights, perfect for your Halloween festivities. Or anytime, if you happen to be a weirdo. What better way to terrorize those you love than with a ghastly disguise? Check out the mask menagerie below and be inspired for classic ways to haunt and taunt.

Best Natural Remedy for Annoying Coworkers

Nothing says, "Hands off my stapler," better than an eco-friendly tribal relic. Keep it in your cubicle and be ready to OOGA BOOGA at will. Free voodoo curse available with purchase.
CozyStudio, $35

Best Travel Aid for Silencing Fellow Plane Passengers 
There are times when a polite greeting and social small talk can be comfort on a long flight. For the remaining 90% of air travel, allow me to present this vintage 40's era handpainted gauze mask, an affordable option for guys and gals on the go. Light and portable, it will breeze past security without adding extra weight to your carry-on. Once comfortably seated, secure mask firmly on face and assume nap position. Remain silent for the duration of the flight, and thank me for helping you enjoy a pleasant flight.
TinselandTrinkets, $3
Best Stalker Deterrent 

Face it, you can't help being irresistible. Too bad those charms are so powerful - there's no way to zero in on just one sweetie! What to do when Creepy Carl or Desperate Donna manage to weave into your web? It's hard to shake those clingy catches without a fail-proof plan. Why not send a clear message with  this 1970's-era Gargamel/Fred Flintstone/Psychobilly Mask? After all, this is no time to be subtle. You'll quickly quell any romantic interest, saving valuable time that could be spent playing Casanova to other cuties.
BytheWayside, $12

Best Anti-Childwatching Device 
It's not that you dislike children, really. It's just your friend Rhonda has decided to be fruitful and multiply for the fifth time and you kinda enjoy your weeknights whine-and-booger-free. Don't clown around! Take a stance for your free time. Next time someone tries to sucker you into pro bono babysitting, tell them you've taken an interest in carnival living. Wearing this mask insures no one (with legal custody or visitation rights) will trust you to watch their little angels.

RoseLuv, $12

Let's Have a Swell Party

Thinking of throwing a party? Don't be square! Get some nifty 50's (and 60's) goodies for your shindig. You'll find new old stock invitations and paper coasters at Etsy, as well as barware, games and other fine finds.
Featured here, beginning top left:

Party Invitations
Snack Server Tower
Drinking Glasses
12 Pack Coasters
Lime Serving Platter
Siamese Cat Playing Card Deck
1957 Game Card Ephemera 
Aluminum Tumbler Duo
Good Housekeeping Appetizer Guide (1958)

The best part - all of these goodies are under $12, so you'll have plenty o' money left over for a fine frock. Canasta anyone?

September is for Sapphire is for Inspiration

A lot of people know I big into jewelry. Only a few know that I'm a gemology buff. Browsing on Etsy, I found this lovely sapphire ring, unlike any other I've seen. Intriguing and inspiring, for sure.

It belongs to a collection of conceptual ring designs by Taipei artist Nick Dong. His work, as seen on his portfolio site, seems very driven by experience and touch.
STUDIODONG

Happy Trails Ahead . . .

Okay, so I'd like to go ahead and make an announcement, but I'm going to wait until "the deal is sealed." (This lame-o that dated a friend of mine uses phrases like, 'sealing the deal' but there's never a deal, nor a seal.) Just know I'm feelin' pretty darn good right about now...aside from my contacts which are older than this radio.

However, according to my formula:

Vintage pastel radio = cute
Vintage protein-laden soft contacts = painfully uncute

I've got some some saline solution, but it's a nose spray. You know, for when you get all stuffy and just want to clear out the gremlins. If it's just saline, I should be able to quickly rinse my contacts with it, right? Well, better not risk it. Too much "happy" at stake. Here's a clue: It's Teal and Has 2 Wheels.

I need a vintage travel trailer, like, now.

I'm going insane with retro camper fever! I prefer it to the much feared swine flu, however. There are a few that I am actually considering, once I get more specs and do a nifty "pros & cons" list. To the left, one that got away. Some have gotten snatched up, others had too many issues, and still many just didn't feel right. I need to have the "Happy Camper" vibe. I think I'm close, really close.

And it's going to be a beautiful thing....

Help Wanted or Needed?

Ever notice that job openings are generally described as "Help Wanted," versus "Help Needed"? It's rather nonchalant, don't you think? And as for the realm of help needed, you might want to check out Tweetplate.com and purchase a bit of graphic design support. Proceeds go towards funding my existence.

Creepy Baby Alert

Babies have this magical ability to be both the most beautiful creatures and the most terrifying. Hence, The Omen. Or there are the horrors of the doll, the infant effigy portrayed in many a film. I remember in photography class as an undergrad, snapping shots of old buildings in Philly. One facade had three cherub heads mounted closely, recalling Cerberus. I titled the photo, "Scary Babies," and my photography professor noted the print was mediocre, but the title apt. I still have "Scary Babies" in my portfolio as it's not something you can get rid of easily.

What's with all the scary baby talk? Well, I updated my Etsy shop, JetWhitePonytail, and was perusing other shops when I stumbled upon this "find." For the small pittance of $10.50, you have your very own Evil Baby Wall Plaque. Great gift idea for the person you despise most in the universe.  Enjoy.